You are currently browsing the monthly archive for September 2009.
I am currently reading the book “Eat, pray, love” by Elizabeth Gilbert. I am extremely delighted to read in the newspapers that a film is being made with Julia Roberts on this book. I think she is an excellent choice for this particular role.
My close friend had recommended this book to me and I am thankful that I bought it! It’s a beautiful book about the discovery of the self spanning a full year of travelling to three countries – Italy, India and Indonesia…
Every woman can identify with the thoughts, emotions and the life situations the author has gone through. She is unique (as all of us are and never realise!) and has a way with words such that the narration evokes visuals with ease and panache. There is something very wholesome and charming about the way she has sketched the journey of her life till the point of divorce, the painful space of going through the divorce, the decision to travel for a year to the three countries to heal herself, the experiences she has in each of these countries and how she connects with herself in the course of this entire quest…
What has appealed to me is the risk taking ability of this lady to travel the path less travelled and the quality of playful honesty with which she has shared her innermost turmoils and triumphs. She has explored the corporeal and spiritual realities with equal élan and passion! I hope lots of people would relish this feast as much as I am relishing it now!!! Bon appetite!
By definition relatives are relationships we acquire by birth, not through choice. If I put my belief in the concept that we do choose our parents and all others in our lives before we take birth, then by that logic we choose our relatives too. Why did I choose the people who are my relatives if I cannot identify with them on most of the topics/ideologies/thinking, etc, etc? Was it for the sole purpose of learning to live and love people who are my exact opposites?
I find it easier to relate to strangers and friends than with my relatives – a brutal truth. It took me a long time to accept this fact. I am yet to understand why this is so? On reflection I found some facts which exist in my transactions with them or in theirs with mine:
With strangers, one has no expectations or else the expectations are at the minimum. If they do something for us, we usually tend to be grateful for their deeds as a decent human being. With relatives, the wish list is relatively too long, too exhaustive and most of the time too impractical!
The basic assumption is that if the person is my relative then it’s his/her moral duty to be there for me, come what may! We tend to violate the basic maxim of respecting the right of the other person to choose to do/act/think in a manner which they find befitting their true selves. The expectation comes from the hilarious notion that “if he/she is my relative, then how can he/she not do this for me”?! Do we expect the same from our friends – even the closest ones? NO. There we are willing to respect and rejoice the uniqueness of that person, not find fault with that.
The second challenge lies in the fact that we expect “returns” on our good deeds done for our relatives. It’s typically like if “we could come to your daughter’s wedding and do so much, then how come you cannot come to my daughter’s weeding and do the same, if not much more!” Typically, when we do something for our friends, the bean counting is either nonexistent or much more lenient. Now the rationale behind this particular phenomenon beats me!
The third challenge is the perceived hierarchy in the family and whether ones actions/inactions are in sync with that! Some people, by virtue of their actions/money/attributes assume certain roles and responsibilities in the family structure and all hell can break loose if that status quo is not maintained by others. “Financial status” goes a long way in making or breaking such hierarchy in the family so also the “social skill sets”.
Another peculiar phenomenon is the tendency to interfere in the matters of others under the guise of “being your well wisher/relative”. However, that I think is a universal trait most us Indians have! This one quality succeeds in keeping people alienated as no other trait in a human being can. For the simple reason that it violates the basic need of a person to have at all times – the freedom to choose and be whatever that person wants to be.
Despite all of these pitfalls, I have found myself being happy for my relatives, basking in reflected glory of their achievements, in being inspired by their actions and thoughts (and at times, repelled too!). There is a strange bonding. I know from experience that if a person comes up to me or is introduced to me as a relative (howsoever far flung the relationship might be in the family tree!), a part of me would accept that person as a part of my life without asking the usual questions that would be there for a stranger… Is this my personal bias or is this bias universal, I wonder!?
In the fast paced life that most of us perceive and pride ourselves in our daily living, we hardly ever have the time to experience or practice “patience”. We are in the era of quick fix solutions. I would stick out my neck and claim that the way we function as a society today, we either do not care for what is happening around/within us or else want everything in a jiffy! “We want it and we want it now”– is the attitude. There is nothing wrong with that concept since pace is as important as the ability to be gentle and grounded.
The challenge arrives when we try to sprout the plant from the seed as soon as we plant it without willing to wait for nature to be able to perform its magic on the seed! We tend to act like the child who cannot go off to sleep when he knows that the morning will bring with it the Christmas booty without realising that the day can come only once the night is over and the night is for sleeping and dreaming about the goodies in store! In other words, certain things/events/conditions/activities in life call for the essential ability to wait for the Universe to process it and deliver it to us. It cannot be instant.
Wikipedia defines Patience as the state of endurance under difficult circumstances, which can mean persevering in the face of delay or provocation without becoming annoyed or upset; or exhibiting forbearance when under strain, especially when faced with longer-term difficulties. It is also used to refer to the character trait of being steadfast.
The above definition refers to difficult circumstances in life. Leave aside the difficult circumstances; even our daily routine requires us to have some level of patience. The constant honking of the vehicles on the road (as if the energy emanating from the honking itself will propel all the other vehicles out of our way and into some other dimension of the Universe!), the tight rein over the accelerators at the signals (as if we will lose Formula Race 1 ranking if our vehicle is not the first one to cross the road once the signal turns green!), the frowning faces at the local vegetable vendor’s shop (the homemakers and the office goers alike will sport this look, without exception!), the exasperated look on the face of a socialite waiting at the billing counter of a mall – all are representative of one quality in common – the “can’t wait for my turn” attitude so very prevailing at all times at all places! Why are we so impatient? Are we running out of time or commodities or services or what? I don’t know what actually drives us to feel or behave like that!
Don’t I look out for the smallest queue or get irritated when the processing of the person standing in front of me appears to be taking ages while all the other queues appear to be moving at break neck speed?? I am guilty of experiencing all of these at one time or the other and that is the reason why I am wondering as to whether this quality of “patience” is becoming a fast withering virtue and if so , why??
For a long time, I prided myself on the capacity to multitask – being a working professional, a daughter, a wife, a friend …etc, etc, etc – different roles, different responsibilities – all rolled into one – me. It has been a fetish to ensure that I am able to cram or extract the most from any given moment of time! On the other hand, I would be lazy for an indeterminate stretches of time. Extremes – yes. Somehow this cycle made me feel very tired at the end of the day despite achieving whatever I had set out to achieve. It always made me feel as either being chased or being in the motion of chasing something!
I read at many places how it is possible to multitask without getting oneself in a tizzy and could never fathom out how people achieved that. Although my companion in life is a master of this art and science (and so are cats! Just observe them). Yet, I could never figure out how he did it so effortlessly with complete ease and grace.
Recently, I chose to live my life from the realm of pace, ease and grace (P E G – jokingly, I call it drinking the PEG of life). Suddenly, I have come to the realisation that I too can do it and it’s an immense pleasure to be able to live like that. How did this happen? Honestly, I don’t know.
If I were to figure out what I experience when I am doing it, I would capture it as operating from a state of mind where I am fully confident that everything will work out in my best interest, there is no need to hurry & worry, enjoy and be completely involved in whatever I am doing and ensure enough structures are in place to keep me in the flow of the activities (like putting in reminders, making a to do list).
What is your take on this?
Each day offers something to us – it is in its truest sense a “present” – a gift which we might decide to open, examine, enjoy and be grateful for or which we are simply too busy to even notice the gift, leave aside opening it!
The days when I have been present enough to this “present”, I have ended the day with a “wow” in my heart. Today I have been present to the fact that once I go beyond my self imposed fears and limitations, anything is possible!
The simple things in life gives me pleasure – the blue skies, the green trees, the twittering birds, the lazy cats stretching in the sun – any thing that is natural usually has a serenity and grace of its own. For me, these little things make my present beautiful and never fails to add a touch of joy in my soul.
What makes your “present” seem like a PRESENT to you?
Recent Comments