We can accomplish almost anything within our ability if we but think that we can

Read any of the books written by Richard Bach and this sentence will look quite normal and ordinary. For that matter, the writings of Paulo Coelho also has similar essence. It simply goes one step further and states that if we desire something with all our being – body , mind and soul – the Universe conspires to make it happen for us!! I believe in both as I have experienced the manifestations of these two thoughts in my life time and again… And  my heart is full of gratitude to the Universe for that.

Whenever I have believed that I can , I have – that is the truth I have experienced in life.  Whenever I have believed in myself, I have really allowed the power of the Universe to work through me and for me.   The Universe or the Supreme Power, whatever we call it, is always there for us. It is up to us how we tap into it, how we make use of that power.The trials and tribulations in my life have invariably enriched and blessed me with people and/or achievements I had been yearning for.

We mortals usually tend to argue for our own limitations and with absolute precision we end up having or experiencing whatever we have always dreaded. The reason is very  simple – when we are dreading something, all our energies are focussed on the negative thought. There is no other option but for that negative thought to get manifested in the physical world.

Yet I have not put in consistent efforts to make this an integral part of my mindset and habitual thinking. Today I am starting a new experiment for myself. I am going to keep on reminding myself this one thought again and again through out the day at regular intervals for the goals I am setting for myself. I am aiming at discovering, experiencing and living my life to the fullest….

  

Death … the ultimate reality

   Death is the ultimate reality of life. Whether we accept it or not, the countdown for that begins the moment we take our first breath of life. Yet it is considered a very morbid or gloomy topic to talk about, something too sombre or depressing to to be part of conversations amongst friends! We are mostly compelled to think about it or talk about it only when we lose a near and dear one and feel the absence of that person in our lives. Otherwise, we avoid this topic as much as possible. I suppose the subject of “Death” or the possibility of death opens up a pandora’s box of emotions for all of us which is difficult for us to accept! Death signifies the end of our identity as we perceive it in the normal parlance…

I realised about my fascination with death when my companion in life pointed this out  to me. Prior to that I was not even aware of my fascination with death. This writing is an effort to know the cause of my fascination. I have found that writing provides me with insights about myself and my thought processes which otherwise elude me.

Many a times, for reasonable reasons (at least thats how they appeared to me!!) or without reasons, I have had the urge to withdraw from life and experience what is there beyond life. I was more than willing to let go of life and embrace death….I feel death is ultimately the culmination of life….

I have witnessed death very closely because of my dad. He was a rheumatoid arthritic patient. The disease or the prescription drugs for his condition (no doctor could say for sure in the end!) had literally eaten away all the good tissues of his lungs so that only tiny islands of good tissues remained in the sea of darkness which once used to be his full fledged, healthy and  good working lungs. He was a non smoker all his life and a very active person. Once I saw his chest report, even before the doctors could say anything, I knew that his days were numbered. The backward countdown had begun in earnest and there was no way to stop the hands of the clock…

My dad wanted to live. He did not want to die. He wanted to live so very badly that it seemed criminal to even acknowledge to myself that there was no way I could help him sustain any longer. We could have perhaps kept him on a ventillator permanently for some time and let him sustain life but as a vegetable, without much dignity. He was sure he did not want that and so was I.

 We had fought many battles together before against death and won. But this time around it was clear that we had no more ammunition left to fight this battle. And he wanted to live…. he wanted to live his retired life peacefully, he wanted to see me getting married and settle down, he wanted to buy a new home for himself and my mom with the money from the sale of their earlier home, he wanted to travel and see the world… In short, he wanted to have a second chance at life..

His last days in the hospital were painful because each breath was an effort. Feeding him a bowl of soup was a victory against time for him as well as for me. As an onlooker, we felt that death would perhaps be a more peaceful release for him from all the pain and suffering he was going through. Yet he was not ready. All his life he had believed in hard work and creating new things. He believed in the existence of God but was not the one to stand before idols of God with bowed head. In his last days, he told us that God has assured him that he will take care of him. His interpretation – he would live…

At that moment I dont know which emotion was the stronger of the two in my mind – frustration that he was not willing to accept death peacefully and we were seeing him suffer each moment or the solace that he was happy with that interpretation..

I am not proud of all the emotions that I went through during those days. I worried about how I was going to sustain him, take care of my mom and live my own life. Financial considerations started to crop up. All of this even when I knew that his days were numbered. Although nobody knew whether it would be days, weeks or months. But the doctors were sure that the process was irreversible. On one hand I was doing all that was possible to keep him alive and find if there was any way in which I could sustain him longer.  On the other hand, I was tired of the fight we had been putting up for the past twelve years – 0n and off, for his survival. I was tired of being responsible for his well being.  I wanted to become a child who would be taken care of, protected against the adversities of life … I did not want to be the warrior anymore… I wanted somebody else to come and fight the battle for me.

Somedays I am harsh on myself for all that I did or failed to do during those days. Sometimes I try to forgive myself for being human and selfish…. The struggle goes on. 

When we hospitalised him for breathing problems and his condition stabilised a bit, the doctor called me in his room. He told me that my dad’s lungs were in very bad shape and his survival was at stake. The first thought to strike me was – he would not be able to undertake a cruise around the world which he always dreamt of.  For a numbing moment, thats all I could think of. The wave of sorrow that I felt along with the tears of regret is still there with me, even now. It felt as if we had missed out on something very important and precious in our lives together.  In my efforts to find myself had I overlooked the moments which we could have lived together?

I try to rationalise that it was a mutual mistake. He was very busy with his work when I had wanted his time and by the time he wanted more of me in his life, I was busy trying to find me and my place in the scheme of things in this world. I realise now that we take our lives and the people in our lives so very much for granted that sometimes we miss out on moments which we dream of creating together….

 Remembrances – memories of the triumphs and tribulations faced together,  moments of laughter and joy shared together – that is all that remains ultimately.

Perhaps the biggest reason of my fascination with death is that it causes me to reflect on the way I am living. It makes me aware of the fragility and innate redundancy of life unless it is lived with consciousness. Paradoxically death provides an opportunity for the human fortitude and the strength of the sould to shine through. When death is around, the person who is on the death bed as well the people around that person are bound to discover their true selves. There is no time for playacting anybody other than one actually is. There is no way one can run away from ones innermost yearnings and principles at that point of time. It is one of those few moments in life when a person is ones highest self as well as the lowest… both the ends of the spectrum are visible with clarity… And sometimes after that revelation is through, the illusions and expectations in life become minimal or non existent. As somebody has said – its the best of times and its also the worst of times …..

BEING LONELY VERSUS BEING ALONE!!

 

Loneliness is a state of mind which is pretty painful. I have gone thru it and suffered it. At the time it felt like the worst thing to have happened to me. But it was like the darkest hour before the sunrise. It made me resume my habit of reading books and opened up new vistas of experiences and knowledge. It also opened up the doors of experiencing bliss of being alone!!  

  

We can all transform our loneliness into aloneness. Believe me there is a lot of difference between the two. We are scared of loneliness because we do not like ourselves, we are not in love with ourselves.Why do we not feel lonely when we are with people whom we love or like?Simply becoz we love being in their company. When we are in love with ourselves, loneliness gets transformed into being alone… thats truly a state of meditation and pure bliss…. Try it sometime… you will get to know yourself better!! 

 

 

As I see it, loneliness is basically a state of dejection, self pity and inertia. One can overcome loneliness by doing things which one feels passionate about. Reading books, dancing, painting, photography, cooking …. the list can go on. Passion for any activity or/and compassion for a worthwhile cause always has the potential to rejuvenate us, uplift us from the dungeon of dejection to the mountaintop of enthusiasm and vitality!!

Can we free ourselves from Pain ?

Why is it so difficult to create and nurture growth, prosperity, joy and tranquility in our lives ?

I wonder why we human beings inflict so much pain on each other – through our words, deeds or sometimes even in our thoughts?! Is it such a challenging task to coexist in peace? Would we be less self expressed if we do not say or do things with force and violence ? Is it essential that we slaughter mankind or trample the emotions of our fellow human beings  on our way to establishing  supremacy over others or  proving the righteousness of our thinking and behaviour ?

 In life threatening situations, taking refuge in violence might be the last resort for survival but can we rationalise the petty insults we trade in the course of our day to day  living at home , workplace or at any other place?!

We participate in altercations, fights, wars, destruction, injuries….. the list is endless. Whether we do it willingly or unwillingly, the sad part is that all of us are involved in it one way or the other. Would we become lesser mortals if we do not stomp each other in the race to become “more” or accumulate “more” ?

I find there is an inherent thread of violence interwoven in our thoughts, attitude, words and/or deeds. Be it on the personal front or as a society or at the workplace or as a nation or in the international arena – why are we so violent? What is it that we want to prove to each other – the supremacy of our viewpoints? Or is it a sheer power struggle? Or is there something inherently flawed in us which does not allow us to think and live in a loving manner?

All of us have an inherent limit of tolerance and patience for the brickbats life and people throw our way. Few choose to live a life of love, forgiveness and tolerance although all the religions are propagating these concepts for centuries now ! One, it takes a lot of  faith, courage and patience to choose and practise those qualities in real life. Two, it is easier to to react than to respond to the things that happens to us. The irony is that each individual, group or nation has a rationale which fully justifies the actions undertaken in response to a real or perceived challenge, threat or insult !!

I have observed that beyond the threshold limit of my tolerance, I am tempted to pay back the person who hurts me in his/her own coin. The temptation comes from the thought that why should I suffer alone? The attitude is to make the other person pay for his/her deeds. I know that my pain will not go away by hurling back the pain and insult the other person might have given me. I might succeed in exacting revenge from the other person but it will not diminish even an iota of my own pain. 

Why should I experience such an urge for revenge or violence when I cannot understand the rationale for being violent or being revengeful ? Is it the fear that if I dont hurt back the other person will consider me weak? Is it the desire to get even with the other person that drives me to comtemplate counterattack? If I was free of my fear and the desire to get even, what would be my reaction then, what would be my thoughts then?

I think I would be more interested in healing my self, safeguarding my self against future attacks and most importantly, I would be stronger since I would not allow the other person to hurt me with words or with deeds !! How? Once I know that inflicting pain on the other person would not reduce my pain, hurting others would be pointless for me.  Words or deeds hurt me only when I allow these to reach me. If I dont allow the words to stab my heart and the deeds to wound my body, can anybody really cause me harm?! I think not…. Can this work out in real life?? Well I will try out and see!! 

A life without fears and worries!!!

 I think it would be a safe presumption on my part to believe that we all experience, constant or sporadic, fear and worry of somebody or something in our lives. How many of us are really free? Can any one of us claim that we are free from worries, fears, insecurities, guilt or lack of confidence at all times? Perhaps not. We are all assailed by any or all of these immobilising emotions/thoughts at some time or the other. I wonder why?

 

The basic tenet of all religions is that love is universal and perhaps the only pursuit worth pursuing. “Freedom” and “Choice” are words which give hope to the mankind that yes, one day we shall be able to live the way we dream of, we shall be able to do the things we want to and say the things that we desire to. If all of us have these yearnings inside of us, then why are we not able to lead lives with complete freedom as per the choices we wish to make?!!! Why do we care so much about what our parents, relatives, friends, peer groups, colleagues  have to say or think about us? Likewise why are we so judgmental about people in our lives – their attitudes and their actions?

I have searched for answers to these questions but am yet to find the answers which can give my heart the solace and my mind the peace it seeks…

  But somtimes I wonder what would life be like if I experienced no fear, if I was not worried about anything or anybody, if I had full freedom to be myself – what would I discover?!!! It would be such an adventure! Each day, each moment would be full of life, joy and enthusiasm. Each moment would be extraordinary, unique and original. Perhaps each moment would be a moment of meditation, peace and contentment.

 

I have known moments of such abandonment when the real me shone through and the world had appeared to be a great place to be in. I have experienced such moments when I am deeply engrossed in doing something which I enjoy or when I am in company of a fellow human being whom I love or more often than not in the serenity of nature…. 

Ever wondered why we love watching movies so much?

 I love watching movies… almost all the types..                                               

I have often  wondered as to what makes me love watching these movies when I know its an illusion? I wonder why is that I can experience tears of joy and pain, the deep pleasure and disappointments of the characters that I watch on the screen in the darkness of the theatres. Its even more embarrasing when I am the person who sportinlgy pokes fun at my mother over her deep and full involvement with the characters of the TV serials she watches so diligently!    

Over a period of time I have discovered a few home truths about my movie watching… at least they are the reasons I give myself for unashamedly watching as many movies as possible without having to trouble my conscience much about the money and time I am spending on them !!!                                                                                      

  I have a curiosity to know and experience different thoughts, different lifestyles, life as different individuals in different situations… all of which is not a possibility in one lifetime! I wonder how Mukesh Ambani feels on being the world’s richest man and also how the man sleeping on the divider of the highway feels about the moments that life has given!!! I wonder how it feels to be a figure skater, I also wonder what the old gujarati lady feels when she is haggling for getting her vegetables from the vendor for her household!!! I suppose this desire to live and experience different lives and different situations is the biggest driving force in my fascination about the movies. 

Movies can be pretty inspiring too…. sometimes when I am down in the dumps and need some cheerful thoughts to make me feel like myself again, movies are an instant perk up solution for me. When I look back I find that on number of occassions I have been drawn towards movies which have catered to some emotional need of mine at that point of time. It is like wishing for something so badly that it shows up in your life in some form or the other!!  

 It was in fact the book “Illusions” by Richard Bach which made me think about this fascination of mine on a serious note to see why I had such a tremendous fascination for the movies. I realised that at all given point of time I had the freedom to choose the type of movie I shall be watching. It has a parallel in my real life too. Most of the time the universe provides us with the freedom to choose what we want to experience and have in life. But seldom do we realise the power of choice and freedom we have been gifted by the universe.

 The type of story I prefer to watch shows the type of thinking that I have or the extent to which I am prepared to expand my thinking and living. Its a parameter of where I am and where I am going in life…